cancelled flight

     

Do you become different in each place you travel? I do. I kind of marvel at my pliability, my lack of substance. It won't take me long to pick up a tiny bit of an accent, or inflection, that I find charming. Like a parrot. Do you notice the laws of nature of the place and the people influencing you, navigating your inner compass to a slightly different position? I feel transparent. Is that why I love to travel so? 

We had a family brunch today and afterward I talked my dad into taking me on a Sunday drive down south. We drove to Jamestown and took in the ridiculous, sweeping beauty of the bay, heading out to the lighthouse and then back through the farmlands around the university. Right now I am rooted in all the land, everywhere. I am a real child of the world. My home is in the New Mexico mesas, and in the rivers of the Tetons, and in the wood shingled Maine coast cabin, through Ojai and into the Los Padres, and in the sky, on the train, in the car on the 10, anticipating the turn onto 29 Palms and up to Joshua Tree with date shakes and avocados in hand. My home is in the city, sort of, because I still can't keep my adrenals happy in New York, in Atwater, in Dallas. I keep opening, I keep learning how. 

I have been traveling so long. Can I rest? I have established a territory running from my heart to anywhere, never mind from Maine to San Diego and Arkansas to Seattle. Pin me down, narrow my scope, let me run out of fuel somewhere beautiful, where the land generates life and I can feel the ecstasy of the buds bursting in spring, of the wolf with it's catch, of the water that flows underground and hums a ley line of desire through me. What am I searching for? Am I even searching or is this what I do because I need to be light and free? I don't seem to have any reason on my own to stop. I don't mind that so much. I love the foreign, the loss of self when confronted with an unnavigated road, I love to get lost. If I want to plant even a shallow root, I suppose these yearnings will gain a new outlet. I suppose I will find fulfillment where the was none, and close my eyes into vast inner motion, while the outer remains still, in a way more complete than I've yet known. This is good. My flight was cancelled.