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6.30.2016

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I've got the limited internet syndrome. It only took five weeks for me to ease myself off the grid:) So...writing here every day is so completely not possible. Here are the other weird things I do with my time.

-Read books obsessively because library cards!

-Watch every episode of season two of Outlander

-Grow in my relationships, which I would still likely be doing with wifi, but somehow the lack thereof squeezes the growth out of me like toothpaste

-Drink. Wine.

-Think, with a kind of space I'm not used to having for thinking, and desiring a lot more of that space

-Gain independence inside of a very confined significant other situation

-Learn that I have a strong tendency to do what I should, and the nuances of that are consistently confounding as I follow them deeper into my psyche

-Deciding to do what I want, to refine and define my desires, and allow them to be as they are, just because

-Become so much more accepting of the fact that my life path has been about learning things more than it's been about material success

-Deciding I'm allowed to want children, not as a vague future desire, but as something tangible that I can schedule on the calendar

-Determining to have some sort of career, and feeling the loss of still being adrift at almost forty

-Reaffirming my love for growing organic food more than ever, but preparing it for eating is still the best, and I still want to cook for other people

-Rolling the idea of spending the next year writing and having babies around in my head

-Understanding that I am never satisfied and I long to be satisfied

-The understanding that anything anyone has ever told me about myself is not true, period. I decide what is true based on wisdom I need to trust

-Deciding that I have something to teach and share and that I want to scale up on that sharing as big as I can

-Understanding that community and opportunity are the most important things to me right now

-Dreaming of taking a holiday to a far off place, all by myself


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