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But she still stood there, shouting, "It's all your fault! You humiliated me!"
One window opened, and then another. Well, anyone working to change the axis of the world must be prepared for the fact that her neighbors won't always be happy. I went over to Athena and did exactly what she wanted me to do: I put my arms around her.
She continued weeping, her head resting in my shoulder. Very gently I helped her up the steps and into the house. I made some tea, the recipe for which I share with no one because it was taught to me by my protector. I placed it in front of her and she drank it down in one gulp. By doing so, she demonstrated that her trust in me was still intact.
"Why am I like this?" she asked.
I knew then that the effects of the alcohol had been neutralized.
"There are men who love me. I have a son who adores me and sees me as his model in life. I have adoptive parents whom I consider to be my real family and who would lay down down their lives for me. I filled in all the blank spaces in my past when I went in search of my birth mother. I have enough money to spend the next three years doing nothing but enjoying life, and still I'm not content!
"I feel miserable and guilty because God blessed me with tragedies that I've managed to overcome and with miracles to which I've done credit, but I'm never content. I always want more. The last thing I needed was to go to that theater and add failure to my list of victories!"
"So you think you did the wrong thing?"
She looked at me in surprise.
"Why do you ask that?"
I said nothing but awaited her answer.
"No, I did the right thing. I went there with a journalist friend, and I didn't have a clue what I was going to do, but suddenly things started to emerge as if out of the void. I felt the presence of the Great Mother by my side, guiding me, instructing me, filling my voice with a confidence I didn't really feel."
"So why are you complaining?"
"Because no one understood!"
"Is that important? Important enough to make you travel up to Scotland and insult me in front if everyone?"
"Of course it's important! If I can do absolutely anything and know I'm doing the right thing, how come I'm not at least loved and admired?"
So that was the problem. I took her hand and led her to the same room where, two weeks before, she had sat contemplating a candle. I asked her to sit down and try to calm herself a little, although I was sure the tea was already taking effect. I went to my room, picked up a round mirror, and placed it before her.
"You have everything and you've fought for every inch if your territory. Look at your face and the bitterness etched on it. Look at the woman in the mirror, but don't laugh this time, try to understand her."
I allowed her time to follow my instructions. When I saw that she was, as I intended, going into a trace, I went on.
"What is the secret of life? We call it 'grace' or 'blessing'. Everyone struggles to be satisfied with what they have. Apart from me. Apart from you. Apart from a few people who will, alas, have to make a small sacrifice in the name of something greater.
"Our imagination is larger than the world around us; we go beyond our limits. This used to be called 'witchcraft', but fortunately things have changed, otherwise we would both already have been burned at the stake. When they stopped burning women, science found an explanation for our behavior, normally referred to as 'female hysteria'. We don't get burned anymore, but it does cause problems, especially in the workplace. But don't worry, eventually they'll call it 'wisdom'. Keep looking into the mirror. Who can you see?"
"A woman."
"And what is there beyond that woman?"
She hesitated. I asked again and she said, "Another woman, more authentic and more intelligent than me. It's as if she were a soul that didn't belong to me, but which is nonetheless part of me."
"Exactly. Now I'm going to ask you to imagine one of the most important symbols in alchemy: a snake forming a circle, swallowing its own tail. Can you imagine that?"
She nodded.
"That's what life is like for people like you and me. We're constantly destroying and rebuilding ourselves. Everything in your life has followed the same pattern: from lost to found; from divorce to new love; from working in a bank to selling real estate in the desert. Only one thing remains intact-your son. He is the connecting thread, and you must respect that "
She started to cry again, but her tears were different this time.
"You came here because you saw a female face in the flames. That face is the face you can see now in the mirror, so try to honor it. Don't let yourself be weighed down by what other people think, because in a few years, in a few decades, or in a few centuries, the way of thinking will have changed. Live now what others will only live in the future.
"What do you want? You can't want to be happy, because that's too easy and too boring. You can't want only to love, because that's impossible. What do you want? You want to justify your life, to live it as intensely as possible. That is at once a trap and a source of ecstasy. Try to be alert to that danger and experience the joy and the adventure of being that woman who is beyond the image reflected in the mirror."
Her eyes closed, but I knew my words had penetrated her soul and would stay there.
"If you want to take a risk and continue teaching, do so. If you don't want to, know that you've already gone further than most other people."
Her body began to relax. I held her in my arms until she fell asleep, her head on my breast.
I tried to whisper a few more things to her, because I'd been through the same stages, and I knew how difficult it was-just as my protector had told me it would be and as I myself had found out through painful experience. However, the fact that it is difficult didn't make the experience any less interesting.
What experience? Living as a human being and as a divinity. Moving from tension into relaxation. From trance into a more intense contact with other people. From that contact back into tension and so on, like the serpent swallowing it's own tail.
It was no easy matter, mainly because it requires unconditional love, which does not fear suffering, rejection, loss.
Whoever drinks this water once can never quench her thirst at other springs.
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