divine little place where i shower
when i was a little kid, i wanted to be an orphan. i romanticized the holy heck out of the secret garden, the little princess, my side of the mountain, and especially my beloved annie. as an eight-year-old,
i once entertained myself and my bemused aunt and uncle on a visit to family in aspen by smearing mud on my face and begging the people getting off the shuttle at the apartment complex for 'spay-uh change'. both my (early) love of adventure (escapism) and my perception that orphans actually ended up with much more love-filled and magic lives than regular kids with (albeit divided) houses and regular meals, made for a weird love of the genre. the deep desire to be rescued by magic circumstance and secret (male) benefactor guided my life all the way up to right now. thank goodness that life has given me such a hellish set of trials that have forced me to take great leaps out of that way of waiting. the rescue is being so heart rendering completely here now, through all circumstances, battling and accepting with love, acting on things before i can talk myself out of action. nothing i think is remotely right. what is happening is completely right. there is a huge difference sometimes between the two, sometime none at all so that i slip into a state of unreasonable sweetness just to be feeling the air move into and fill my body through no effort of my own. how amazing is that? we never have to try to breathe, either we are breathed or we are not. i'm not an orphan. i have two living parents. and there is magic and it's better than circumstantial magic because it's inherent and always available when letting go of the story.
2 comments:
Interesting blog. My recent experiences have been similar but different. The question needs to be asked, where did you land and how are you doing, now that you are out of Hawaii?
I don't think I've landed yet! I've been on the mainland for almost three months and have been in the midwest and now new england. As much as I want to make plans, it's part of the new determination to remain with each day and take it as it comes while keeping the intention lively. Right now the intention is to be much more self-reliant. I hope you are finding your own experiences to be opening new parts of yourself and maybe even tearing down others to make room:)
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