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11.21.2010

uHaul

Potential. Funny thing. I've just been involved in the first part of my greatest migration to date. Possibly this is the greatest migration of my life. Leaving one's house and town for another place, an unknown place, is one thing. But leaving behind your attachment to the life you were planning to have is something else entirely. There was a point last spring when something shifted so much within that the entire world began to respond differently to me. A giant hand lifted me into the river and every time I try for the shore I get a nudge back to the swiftest current. The river swept everything away, everything I thought I had or would have, my marriage, my home and my family. Everything I thought I knew has become an illuminator and the light is shining on the truth: that I am not in charge. At some point recently I became aware that I do not function well in the collective consciousness, that I have another purpose, perhaps just as a counter weight. I function from the heart and my greatest goal is still family, home, chickens in the yard, love, creativity, regardless of what looks like it has been taken away. I love and appreciate beautiful things and experiences, and I am willing to work to have them, but not at the expense of the delicate and sweet things within myself that will suffer if I get too tired. Being back here in Fairfield for a bit is like being in the wash. I'll be all clean and shiny when the spin cycle spits me out into Dharma. And speaking of Dharma, this is what I know right now, when they said follow your bliss, they were not lying. The bliss is the Dharma and whatever actions the bliss manifests itself in is the Work. The life's work, you know, until something changes! I have spent too long believing in things I was told I should believe, I should think, I should do, I should want. That's done now. I've vowed to get out of my own way. I might be really happy about where I end up. I have a few leads and I'll keep you posted.




 I have a long love affair with Ray LaMontagne. Mostly because he can make this.

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