each week until christmas i'm going to post at least one thing that costs under $50 and would make someone (not just me, silly!) pretty tickled to receive as a gift.
i also found this in the dec/jan issue of dwell. these folks are in arizona and although i hold a great love for modern, i do have kind of a farm-in-the-woods fantasy, make that a need. i think i dream of hand building (with who exactly? how many people want to hand build the insides of their house?) my home in this same way. although i'd like more wood than these guys and perhaps just a scootch more furniture, i love the space. i LOVE the feeling of having space, of each thing being important, without too many things. a handmade house. here's some of their words...read more here.
with this blog i mostly need to write about and collect things of beauty and sustainability that i want to keep record of. this being the case, i've tried not to talk about my personal life too much here but there was an article in the NYTimes with all the usual statistical crap about marriage and it got me going a little. i know what it's like to not listen to your heart and to go ahead with something that, intuitively, is maybe not the most super healthy choice. i have an opinion as to where the mistake lies in our culture that sends the divorce rate ever skyrocketing. but i almost feel like i should keep that to myself. i wouldn't have listened to me two years ago. which is actually perfect because i wouldn't be able to understand that i am actually capable of being married if not for my failed first endeavor. i'm thankful for the evolution of everything. i'm thankful for the understanding that it is what i can give that is my greatest 'possession'. i love the idea of marriage but it sits best for me in the context of a larger family, mine, my spouse's, and friends who are family. i am still looking for my tribe. i don't think marriage makes any sense unless you are truly willing to come to the essence of who you are in this life. your spouse is only a mirror showing you where you lack faith, self-love and acceptance, patience...what's the point of entering into the contract if you're only planning to leave if the self-inquiry becomes too much for you? in my months of reflection i have learned what commitment is for me, how much i am capable of loving, and that true love might be mostly mutual willingness to explore together, to face what comes together (although a little swashbuckling and derring-do might be nice too).
so this is for you to know, you who i don't know... i have no fear to lose myself in you and if i ask you for the truth of your heart, and i truly love you, i will accept your truth as it comes, just as you will accept mine. i can spend quite a lot of time not speaking but when speaking i will remind you how much i love you with the feeling under my words. communion is a mutual allowing of space and a lack of rejection of differences and if ever you want me to be someone other than who i am i will know it. be aware that, if i were to marry you, i will see god in you, and i will never get tired of serving you because it gives me strength. i want your family to be my family so that i can have another opportunity to learn how people give to and take care of each other, as my family will do for you. and if there never is another, there will be me, and that's enough.
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