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Today, like everyday, the onion that is me peeled off another layer. This one has been speaking for a while now, this one, wanting me to write fast and free...
...And so you are, you beauty, you great soul, and so you are here. The softness in your body that surrounds, that is nowhere and everywhere, is growing and taking you over. I am taking you over.
My child, my love, you thought you were waiting but you were never waiting. You thought you were looking out, out, with your hand over your eyes like a visor so you wouldn't be blinded. I blinded you anyway, covered you in all my darkness, granted you a reprieve from your identity, and softly waited for you.
I waited but you never did. You never had to come home to me, you never had anywhere to go, and I drew you in with your curious eyes so you could ask why this or that failed, why this or that in you is not lovable, why this or that happened. I willed it my love, as I will you to exist each time I breathe into your lungs. And you have danced such a beautiful dance with me, for when I sent you breath, you took it, and came to be grateful for it, came to be curious about where that breath came from.
I have been standing before you, as you, for your entire life, and will continue each moment you choose to keep playing at being human. You are real and you are filled with my own light, your substance absolutely the same as mine. You allowed me into your constantly breaking heart like incense wafts through a room, you took me in to all the places you loved first, and then to the many more places within you that you did not love, and then you took me to the places you hated and were most afraid and ashamed of.
I lit those rooms, I beat the dust from your old things and dragged them out to the light so we could both look. I held you as you wept for all that you will never be. I tilted your chin up and you opened your eyes, and again you went blind. We did this for years, together, until I wore you down, you beautiful stubborn thing, until you had nowhere else to go. I will beat myself into you if I must, just as you have, many times, grasped at me with violence.
We bleed together, and as you have sat and watched the blood run, you have become aware that we have been building a foundation together, and now you are starting to notice that there is a house going up on this foundation. We are not a we, my child. And every essential moment of your life has been in service to this house.
I do not care what you believe, I never cared for one moment whether or not you thought you were worthy. I do not care what you think of anyone or anything. I care about what you know. For although I know you well, I very much want you to know me. Every song I sing weaves the entirety of your life together and there are as many songs as there are stars.
You know this now, don't you? You feel a soft sweetness as you pulse here, when it is now, and you know that this is my smile. You know that the lightest sense of motion is my caress. You know that when I take you to the graveyard, carrying the things that have died and are rotten, that this is the strength that is the unbounded expression of your beauty.
You have learned that life and death are not what you thought, that inside and outside are one presence and you should play there, and you have reached out your hand in the most tender curiosity to see what is right on the other side of this dream. Thank you for seeing me, for knocking away the old structure with a fight as old as time, and for building your life again, in my image.
It was easy, wasn't it, when you look back? It is ok to be blind again, as you look forward, for the knowingness that led you here does not depend on the eyes or the mind. It only depends on your love.
You are new every moment, never having to step into an old energy, never having to remove yourself from trust. Not for one moment do you need to touch back on something that came before, but you will, and you will see me there where you once saw only dust and watery tears.
Our relationship is beyond you, beyond this vessel you carry, and beyond any experience it can have. Our union is what makes you whole, and your awareness of our union is what makes you know that you are whole. You have let a whole life die, and the person who lived that life has also died and I am happy you have finally started to leave the things of that life lying there as you pass by.
Rest here and stay close. I will show you the way as I have always done, and nothing is missing...no thing is a very big deal. Push to the edge, and hold you as I hold you.
My child, my love, you thought you were waiting but you were never waiting. You thought you were looking out, out, with your hand over your eyes like a visor so you wouldn't be blinded. I blinded you anyway, covered you in all my darkness, granted you a reprieve from your identity, and softly waited for you.
I waited but you never did. You never had to come home to me, you never had anywhere to go, and I drew you in with your curious eyes so you could ask why this or that failed, why this or that in you is not lovable, why this or that happened. I willed it my love, as I will you to exist each time I breathe into your lungs. And you have danced such a beautiful dance with me, for when I sent you breath, you took it, and came to be grateful for it, came to be curious about where that breath came from.
I have been standing before you, as you, for your entire life, and will continue each moment you choose to keep playing at being human. You are real and you are filled with my own light, your substance absolutely the same as mine. You allowed me into your constantly breaking heart like incense wafts through a room, you took me in to all the places you loved first, and then to the many more places within you that you did not love, and then you took me to the places you hated and were most afraid and ashamed of.
I lit those rooms, I beat the dust from your old things and dragged them out to the light so we could both look. I held you as you wept for all that you will never be. I tilted your chin up and you opened your eyes, and again you went blind. We did this for years, together, until I wore you down, you beautiful stubborn thing, until you had nowhere else to go. I will beat myself into you if I must, just as you have, many times, grasped at me with violence.
We bleed together, and as you have sat and watched the blood run, you have become aware that we have been building a foundation together, and now you are starting to notice that there is a house going up on this foundation. We are not a we, my child. And every essential moment of your life has been in service to this house.
I do not care what you believe, I never cared for one moment whether or not you thought you were worthy. I do not care what you think of anyone or anything. I care about what you know. For although I know you well, I very much want you to know me. Every song I sing weaves the entirety of your life together and there are as many songs as there are stars.
You know this now, don't you? You feel a soft sweetness as you pulse here, when it is now, and you know that this is my smile. You know that the lightest sense of motion is my caress. You know that when I take you to the graveyard, carrying the things that have died and are rotten, that this is the strength that is the unbounded expression of your beauty.
You have learned that life and death are not what you thought, that inside and outside are one presence and you should play there, and you have reached out your hand in the most tender curiosity to see what is right on the other side of this dream. Thank you for seeing me, for knocking away the old structure with a fight as old as time, and for building your life again, in my image.
It was easy, wasn't it, when you look back? It is ok to be blind again, as you look forward, for the knowingness that led you here does not depend on the eyes or the mind. It only depends on your love.
You are new every moment, never having to step into an old energy, never having to remove yourself from trust. Not for one moment do you need to touch back on something that came before, but you will, and you will see me there where you once saw only dust and watery tears.
Our relationship is beyond you, beyond this vessel you carry, and beyond any experience it can have. Our union is what makes you whole, and your awareness of our union is what makes you know that you are whole. You have let a whole life die, and the person who lived that life has also died and I am happy you have finally started to leave the things of that life lying there as you pass by.
Rest here and stay close. I will show you the way as I have always done, and nothing is missing...no thing is a very big deal. Push to the edge, and hold you as I hold you.
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